Healing After Trauma: Self-care as a Coping Mechanism
After the shooting, daily routines and self-care regimens equipped me to battle PTSD, heal old wounds and rebuild my life.
In winter of early 2018, 1.5 years after the shooting, I wrestled demons through quicksand and cement, determined to be stronger than PTSD.
Safely tucked away at a family home in Ocean City, NJ (OCNJ), an idyllic small island town, I finally stopped running from the trauma.
Only for it to catch up and promptly declare war.
But I was ready-ish.
In early March, on a particularly brutal night, an OG ghoul rushed in, bombarding my mind with a menagerie of overwhelming memories and emotions, almost swallowing me whole.
Almost.
Exhausted and drowning in the tumultuous waves, I drifted to sleep on the couch, begging for the nightmare to end.
Waking the next morning to the sun’s glare reflecting into my eyes like a laser, I briefly wondered if the nightmare-called life had, indeed, ended.
It hadn’t.
As I covered my eyes, I suddenly wondered:
How do you end nightmares?
Vanquishing Demons
As a child, bad dreams were occasional, but when they did haunt, it was on an unrelenting, nightmarish torture loop.
If I managed to wake my subconscious mind, moving was practically impossible so back to the nightmare I drifted.
On the rare occasion my body unfroze, I’d tiptoe down the hall to my mother’s bedside.
Perhaps less quietly than I realized, given that she was always half-awake and waiting with advice, groggily whispering upon my approach,
“Tell me your nightmare, you have to say it before it will let you sleep.”
It worked every time back then.
It couldn’t hurt to try now.
But this time, I would put the nightmares to rest to move on with my life.
First, I needed to drag boogeymen from my mind’s dark vault, exposing them in the daylight - and name them.
Acknowledge them.
So I did. Repeatedly.
I confronted my nightmares on my terms, in the bright of day.
I battled demons in small but excruciatingly detailed doses. Remembering. Identifying the crimes. Saying the criminal’s names for the first time.
Most importantly, recognizing how each impacted my life.
All while triggering some light PTSD responses, draining myself just enough until safely dissociating for the night.
Thawing your mind
Back then, my brain didn’t go into fight or flight: it went directly into deep freeze mode.
At first, the painful thaw lasted days.
But, eventually, I recognized my own power and control - delicate but growing steadily.
And, if I could steer the triggering, certainly controlling the accompanying defrost was within my power, too.
I started with an ice cube in my palm, blaring music in my earbuds, standing over the ocean, engaging my senses until I returned to the current time and place.
While it grounded me back to reality, the mental battles required balance and protection.
Proactive Coping Mechanisms
I required proactive coping mechanisms with measurable results.
Preferably more compassionate, less painful solutions (holding an ice cube hurts, which is why it helps snap you back to reality).
Healing required positive actions to arm me to explore the negative.
And goalposts would keep me on track. Motivate me.
I started with two easy activities: washing my face and walking.
With the discovery of The Ordinary, I soon armed myself with an entire skincare regimen.
Storing my serums in the refrigerator, I’d apply cool Niacinamide at the first signs of my foe’s early afternoon appearance.
Hyaluronic Acid absorbed into my skin 15 minutes later…. etc.
Applying the cool potions, noting every sensation, the smoothness of my skin…
Vain or not, skincare connected me to reality - and my long-lost self.
In the evenings, instead of jumping every time a door closed, I channeled my energy into power walking around the island, FitBit counting every calorie and step, music blaring in my ears.
Before long, proactive self-care secured a prime spot in my coping tool arsenal.
If I could wash my face, I could apply toner.
Apply toner and proceed to Niacinamide…
If I could walk one block, I could walk two.
Burning through one mile multiplied to six, blended with a mix of new coping mechanisms.
Caring Enough to Elevate Yourself
Seven years later, my routines and regimens have expanded and changed but are always active and, often, proactive.
Looking back, my soul needed love and care to heal - and I was the person to provide it.
Thank God I did - not only because my skin looks great, but my life does, too.
Over the next few months, while we explore life after the mass shooting, including some mentioned above, I’ll simultaneously share and illustrate coping mechanisms.
And once a month, we’ll celebrate, rate and rank self-care tools, tricks and treats in a lighter, more celebratory fashion.
But, for now…
For anyone interested in - or already judging - self-care, I encourage you to stay tuned and experience it through my lens.
O, if you are in pain, I urge you to stay by my side, see how I healed and know you’re not alone.
More soon.
Take care of yourself, my pretties.
And stay tuned for the new Rated & Ranked: Self-care Winners and Losers of January - out Thursday!
Like it? Please click the heart 🤍 and restack 🔄 before you go. It helps!
As do comments! I’d like to hear from you. Do you have any favorite self-care rituals?How do you cope on a bad day or your darkest times?
Allison, let me tell you something that really hit me - when you talk about those small wins. Washing your face turns into a whole skincare routine. One block of walking turns into six miles.
THAT'S HOW YOU BUILD!
That's exactly what I'm always preaching - you start small, you stack wins, you keep pushing. The most fire part about this? You're not just healing - you documented the process to help others. That's that giving mentality I respect so much.
Self-care isn't soft. It's not weak. It's freaking STRATEGIC. It's about building yourself up so you can be stronger, better, more resilient. Whether you're dealing with trauma or just daily stress, having these systems in place is crucial.
To anyone out there struggling: You're not alone. Find your routines. Build your systems. Take it day by day. And most importantly - KEEP GOING!
My son has some nightmares from time to time, now I feel more equipped when he comes to me. These techniques are so helpful, not only to me, but could light the path for many people.