When PTSD Strikes: Self-care & Coping Mechanisms in Action | Healing
How to apply coping mechanisms and flex your resiliency muscle to emerge unscathed from a PTSD flashback: an intimate look.
I don’t use “PTSD” colloquially.
I don’t like the word “triggered” - no one with actual post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) appreciates it.
But, sometimes, it happens.
Show me some love, click the ❤️ above.
It sucks, but that’s okay life.
No matter how much you prepare and manage your mental health, even seasoned PTSD pros, life myself, get hit out of seemingly nowhere.
A few nights ago, while working to expand my digital brand, I opened LinkedIn for the first time in years.
It did not go well.
Opening LinkedIn transported me to 2016, to grey hallways, grey cubicles and a zombie lens.
The truth is, FOR MONTHS after the mass shooting, I didn’t realize how PTSD scrambled my brain.
Back then, I thrived in Product and Content marketing manager roles at start up tech companies.
I created content on creating content for an amazing startup, since acquired, for real money. My strength was creating highly effective social selling strategies and content for LinkedIn.
That was before the mass shooting.
After, I still believed pretended I was thriving.
Kinda.
But, alas, PTSD roared its ugly head, swallowing that era of my career.
Long story short, I’ve avoided LinkedIn for seven years.
Really, LinkedIn? LINKEDIN?
Today, in an attempt to expand my online footprint, I opened the app.
Upon tapping a blue icon, time disconnected.
My reality morphed into grey halls haunted by dread.
A zombie flashback.
It wasn’t back to being in the shooting.
It was the nightmare afterwards.
The hallways of the police station from that night.
The dreary prison cubes lining the walls of the office in the months after.
The same ones I’d hurry past when a door slammed, sending me hiding safely beneath a desk, in an empty, dark office where no one could find me.
The trauma didn’t stop when the bullets did.
It hit every day.
Any bad day heightened the PTSD.
And the PTSD worsened any bad day.
My brain has blocked a lot out - a rarity and not always a gift.
Memory Traps
The holes in my memory are traps.
Like a ghost haunting the back of my mind, out of sight. Out of grasp.
How do you confront something you don’t know exists?
Process it?
Heal it?
You develop coping mechanisms and routines.
Become self-aware and resilient.
It’s a challenge, but start by listening to your anxiety.
What is it screaming?
How do you quiet the PTSD screams?
Building an arsenal.
Developing self-awareness.
Remaining fluid but present.
Applying your coping mechanisms.
Granting yourself grace.
In my experience, at least.
So, while dissociating, fighting through the mental bog, I managed to:
Maintain awareness enough to record a play-by play.
Stay grounded enough to listen and pivot according to my body and mind’s needs.
Care for myself with my coping mechanisms.
Grant myself grace to zone out (which I will do again when I share this).
Pull myself out of the PTSD haze.
All tools from that self-care arsenal.
This is what that looks like….
5 Self-care Coping Steps In Action
Disclaimer time: This post may read frenetically. It may be disorganized.
This seems like a terrible idea but let’s see if what I write still works.
So what am I doing?
I’m writing it out to help others.
I turned my green light bulb, immediately relaxing my eyes and facial muscles.
I practiced my breathing exercises.
Texted a friend familiar with trauma.
4:15 PM: Stare off into space
4:24 PM: Writing but my mind is so scattered, it’s like piecing together an article from shards of mirrors. This won’t be published today. Reformat.
4:25 PM: Listen to my anxiety.
WTF does that mean?
4:26 PM: Breathing exercises.
Exhale completely.
Inhale 4 counts.
Hold breath 4 seconds.
Exhale 4 counts with a whoosh.
Hold breath 4 beats.
Repeat.
Siri set timer for 4:45.
4:28 PM: Hydrate because water helps everything.
Might as well wash my hands - always good.
4:29 PM: Go downstairs. Apply The Ordinary Niacinamide.
Focus on how cool it feels on my skin.
… what some nice contrast to the stringing tears welling?
4:30 PM: Grab an ice cube while I meditate?
Pray. Breathe. Focus.
4:32 PM: Pray. Breathe. Focus.
No. I don’t want to see the dead officers’ faces.
I should say a prayer. Saint Michael? Hail Mary?
Both it is. Can’t be too safe.
4:34 PM: Change dinner menu and thaw chicken breasts.
4:38 PM: This is going to require more than a serum… 5 Things?
The 5-4-3-2-1 Method
5 things I can see:
Advil Bottle
Electric Lighter
Coffee mug created by my Uncle Chris
Computer screen
Air Purifier
4 things I can touch:
Mouse
Keyboard
Leather desk pad
Silky soft scrunchy
3 things I can hear:
shockingly quiet wow
Air purifier
Traffic in the distance
Bird chirping
2 things I can smell:
English Pear freesia candle
Clean air from my air purifier
1 thing I can taste:
Water - go downstairs and change filter
The World is Your Man Cave: Exploring Men's Self-care
Self-care is mental healthcare - but where is it for men?
Move.
Great now I hear someone texting me twenty times at some obnoxiously high pitch AND a blaring horn.
4:45 PM: Sitting and staring off, comfortably numb.
4:46 PM: Time to apply next serum. Tatcha’s Serum Stick is easiest and closest.
But a migraine is creeping in and my brain wants to go slow.
I’m going to let it.
This happens. I may not write further, but I’ll stop here for now.
Unplug - except my favorite playlist and hopefully marinade the chicken.
Or lay on the couch.
Dang, I’m hungry and dinner will take forever.
4:55 PM: - I forgot to go to the store for marinade ingredients.
F&*k.
Whatever I do, I’m giving my brain the grace, permission and time off to heal.
4:57 PM: Time to unplug.
Again? Didn’t I just unplug?
Missing Time
4:58 - 5:35 PM: Stare.
Where did the last half hour go? Am I missing time?
Heart, you don’t need to race. You’re safe.
5:39 PM: Yoga? Pilates? Stretching routine I’ve built and practiced for years.
5:52 PM: Still stretching.
5:56 PM: Acupressure mat seems easier.
6:01 PM: My muscles are starting to warm as I practice breath work.
I know I’ve been writing about Ukraine but that’s not what this trauma is.
I can’t explain how trauma feels but each one feels different.
And I prepared myself for any Ukraine-related trauma with proactive self-care and caring for others.
Because PTSD can be managed.
PTSD can be managed.
PTSD can be Managed
I can manage my PTSD.
I can take control.
I know how to do this.
Maybe I’ll go for a walk.
Or try something new.
Maybe I’ll even finalize this article.
But the pizza tastes delicious.
Do I now I have two pieces to publish tomorrow?
Wait, when and why did I tell Veronica I was doing LinkedIn today?!?
6:16 PM: Back in action within three hours.
See, there is a path forward - even from the darkest of times.
A New Day
The next morning, I could feel the ghosts’ remnants, wounded in the distance.
As they reconstitute and shift forms, I’ll continue to expose them to sunlight and truth.
To you.
I’ll finish this article - and I’ll link to my updated LinkedIn profile.
Find me there. Hold me accountable.
Allison 💋
P.S. Methods and product links below.
Next time on TheAntiHeroine: Rated & Ranked: February’s Winners & Losers. Catch up on January’s now!
Before you go… please click the ❤️ (heart) below.
Coping Techniques Mentioned
Self-care Products Mentioned
I’ve yet to make any money from this, but I’d love to make a few cents. Why not?
NorbRELIEF Leaf Green light Bulb for Migraines, Mediation, Relaxation
TATCHA The Serum Stick ($49.00)
Stanley 1911
ProsourceFit Acupressure Mat ($29.99)
Before you go… please click the ❤️ (heart) below.
A piece that I need to re-read many times. How valuable is this flow in your writing! Thank you, I’ll be back again:)
That's exhausting just reading about it, I hope that isn't a ritual you need to go through very often. I can imagine that knowing what works for you now, when you need it is a bonus, but that it also must have taken a looong time to get to a point where you're not just rocking in a corner but you know what you need to do to pull yourself around.
You really put yourself out there Allison and I think that you can help a lot of people by doing so!
Thank you for having the courage to hit publish.